My Ear Wept When I Could Not

Does your body ever build a dam that blocks your emotions from flowing freely? Or perhaps it is our mind’s reservoir that floods with fear? Emotions lodge themselves in my physical body like boulders that refuse to budge.

I have friends who cry with such ease, and I marvel at their fluidity. In recent years, I’ve shared some personal, sensitive stories. These dear ones cried the tears I wish I could access. In my blog post, “The Healing Power of ‘BEing’ Quiet,” I wrote about this and more. ==>Here is the link:https://daralevan.com/the-healing-power-of-being-quiet/

So why am I revisiting this tender topic? In all honesty, I reread that post and realized the words worked but the energy was all from the head rather than the heart. I am becoming more comfortable being vulnerable. And I had a fascinating experience I’d like to share today.

My throat blockages, which some call chakras, are not a new discovery. For much of my life, and this may come as a surprise to those who know me, I swallowed and suppressed my truth in situations that being quiet was a safer choice. I live vastly differently now. So I am keenly aware of my body when it signals “slow down, stop thinking, and start feeling girl!”

But about six weeks ago, I had a bizarre physical symptom that baffled me. My left ear felt stuffy, squishy, and intermittently achy. I knew it wasn’t an ear infection. I knew it wasn’t allergies. I tried some natural remedies. No luck. It persisted in such odd ways, and I couldn’t identify a pattern.

This frustrated me immensely. I started having difficulty hearing; I have such compassion for those with auditory challenges! Then I remembered one of my favorite Louise Hay books: “Heal Your Body: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and The Metaphysical Way to Overcome Them.” I decided to investigate.

As the weeks passed, it became clear that my ear was demanding attention for a reason. I looked up “ears.” Next to that word Hay wrote “represents the capacity to hear.” Huh. Then I looked at “earache” and here’s what Hay wrote: “Anger. Not wanting to hear. Too much turmoil. Parents arguing.” Angry? What on earth was I angry about? I was unable to answer my own question.

I shared these observations with an insightful, connected soul. What she suggested resonated immediately.”You’ve had times recently in which you needed to hear something so painful and scary. But you just could not go there yet. So when you feel that wet, damp fluid in your ear, maybe that’s your body’s way of weeping?”

That night I sobbed in a way I haven’t in months. A weeping, wailing cry emerged from inside a cavernous cave. The dam didn’t open all the way–yet. A few days later, I became teary again. Instead of becoming busy, I decided to stop and be. This continued erratically, and I chose to surrender. I fought the old pattern of understanding the “why;” I let go rather than resisting what needed to be released.

My ear is completely healed. I am indescribably grateful for my physical symptoms. I am thankful I am listening with not just my head but also my heart. I can hear and listen.

And as we begin this new month of May, may you pay attention, may you love and nurture yourself, may you live with gratitude, may you let go of what you don’t understand, and may you live with integrity.