No is a tiny, powerful word.
Is it hard for you to say no?
It’s certainly been a challenge for me. In fact, my daughter just knocked on the office door, exuberant about sharing an idea for a song she’s writing. I shook my head and told her not now, sweetie. I am writing my weekly story.
A few years ago, I would’ve closed the laptop. Stopped. Listened. Basically, shoving aside my own needs and not honoring my own time. It takes conscious effort to remind myself that a delay is not a dismissal. Showing up for others is a core value for me—both in my personal and professional life. I now understand that supporting friends and family can be depleting if I don’t show up for myself.
And I am realizing the reason why I’m passionate about being present, holding space for others.
Nobody did that for me. I’d come home from school, even in my younger years, and something (typically a news segment) or somebody (a phone call) took precedence over being heard. It felt invalidating and infuriating. It’s also why, as I wrote a bit about last week, my friends are family to me.
It takes conscious effort to remind myself that a delay is not a dismissal.
Speaking of friendship, I had a fabulous guest on my Every Soul Has a Story LIVE podcast this week. Nina Badzin and I had an insightful conversation about one of my favorite topics–friendship. Nina, a fellow podcaster and advice columnist, discussed recurrent themes she’s observed. We talked about the nuances of boundaries within friendships both on and offline. Nina also offered ways we can give of ourselves yet still protect our own space. We laughed because she rocks at saying no, and I admitted this is not my forte.
We continued our conversation. Then Nina said something that struck me.
“Internet culture now, Instagram/quotes a lot of it is about take care of you, say no, protect yourself and your time with everything you have. I wonder if we’ve gone a little too far?” she pondered.
I agree wholeheartedly. Yet opening up to you through writing and in videos is shifting my self-imposed boundary of privacy. It’s about time. It is liberating.
Interesting, right? Nina and I also chatted about social media, reaching out, and the importance of acceptance as people evolve. Rather than criticizing a friend for “changing,” give him or her space to grow. You can listen to the full episode HERE.
Our interview sparked today’s story—thanks for the inspiration, Nina. And, friends, thanks for showing up here every week. I appreciate you!
Is it hard for you to honor your time?
How do you feel when saying no to others but yes to yourself?